Published February 29, 2008
This is my most recent song:
TRAPPED
(Instruments: acoustic and electric guitar, drums, maybe keyboard.)
Quick start—2 second instrumental before words
Every day
I drive
My car
To work
So I can pay
To drive
My car
To work
Every day.
1-2 second riff
And I live
My life
With no time
To live
At all—.
1-2 second riff
Oh, I’m stuck in
This routine
I waste my life
Do—ing
Just so I
Can live one more day…
This way!
Longer riff—approx. 8 seconds(?)
CHORUS
But I know I’m
Trapped!
Like a chicken on a farm…
Like a cow, in, the barn.
Waiting to be killed
Whenever tax comes in…
Oh, I feel trapped!
Like a pig in a pen.
Longer riff—approx. 16 seconds(?)
Well, now I can’t pay rent,
For my apartment,
My time and money are all spent…
Too— quick.
‘Cause my salary is low,
But my responsibility hi—gh.
So why
Do I pay for a house
That I don’t live in,
Just because I’m always at my j—ob?
Riff—approx. 9 seconds(?)
CHORUS
Still I can’t help but be
Trapped!
In this lifestyle,
‘Cause it’ll be a while,
Before I can change
These ways…
Without losin’ my name,
My house,
And my money to blame.
Oh I feel trapped,
Like a dog in a cage.
Long instrumental—at least 25 seconds
Oh, it’s another day
So I leave my house,
Open my car door,
Push the pedal to the floor,
And drive away…
Away… away…
I wanna drive away!
From nine bucks an hour…
From workin’ forty a week…
I wanna get away,
Like a fish in a stream…
FADE
Please, comments and edits are definitely welcome, so that I am able to improve this song. As always, thank you for reading!
Teh Wozzinator
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140,623 Literary Works • 673,565 Reviews
I loved how the animal analogy
Great song, I liked it.
That would would sound amazing when it is all arranged, it is hard to tell how it is really supposed to be, not know how fast, the exact style, or having instrumental accompaniment. But I think together, this could be one kickn' a- song.
(envy) Muhahahaha. I'm done now.
Good job, I can't write songs.
Seriously an amazing song. The only critical thing I have to say, has pretty much already been said -- ditch the farm animals. =] Well, at least the chicken. Maybe think of other metaphors of trapped things, like...ha, okay, maybe you should just stick with that, unless you can think of something better. I sure can't. Great job!
--JF.
i really liked your song.
the only thing i have to say is that the use of barn animals to me seemed a little corny. But if you were going for that then it works.
do you play guitar? because i bet it sounds hot all put together.
carolinewashere
Yo, you're askin' the wrong person for a lyrics 'tique, Woz.
The only thing I can comment on, not belonging to a band or a writer of music, is the analogies. The farm animals idea is good, but the idea, the essence of it, is unfinished, and it doesn't blend smoothly with the rest of the song.
Like the chicken thing. *cough* Ehem. Er...maybe a sheep analogy would be better. XD You've stated, multiple times, that you don't want to go to work to go to work tomorrow, which is good...throw in a bit about it being mindless and a vicious cycle and whatnot. Because, while you've got a good skeleton for a song, it's not...song-y. XD
(Please, smack me next time I try this.)
Practice makes perfect, I suppose...
~Sumi the Story-Writer, not the Lyric Writer
Actually, BBB, I put the comma there because it's supposed to have breaks there. Like "Cow--in--the barn". It's supposed to sound sharper.
Thanks everyone for the comments. I haven't written the music yet, but I can't wait until I'm able to!
And I'm glad you like the farm animals, because I wasn't sure if they'd sound really dumb or not.
I really can't critique the song, so I follow in other's footsteps there...
However, I can say that I really liked it. I loved all of the animal imagery, especially the farm animals. You don't see those that often in songs, except songs about farms, which I generally don't like. But this was great.
I want to hear this played!
*applause*
~GryphonFledgling
Hey, Wozzel! What's up?
This was a pretty good song - although, I'm not very good a critting, it seems like everything that you do is worth one of my crits!
I like this song because of its originality. We don't usually hear songs about taxes, bankruptcy (sp?) and anyway, it was good. There was just a little mistake.
No comma after 'in'. Great song! Did you really write the music, or are you planning to?
-Jared
Dude! that is frickin good! i don't have much criticism but i absolutely love the first verse
Every day
I drive
My car
To work
So I can pay
To drive
My car
To work
Every day.
I think its genius!